amsterdam

on 4/20 i was in amsterdam, leaning out of the first-floor window and blowing out clouds of smoke, watching the trams go by. i'd almost forgotten the pleasure i get from being so high that all there is to do is lie there. i like to feel like i'm not in control for a little while. because i try really hard not let anything slip when i'm sober, and when i'm high i just feel completely wonderful. and it was incredible to just smoke it. all the receptionist had to say was 'open a window if you want to smoke in your room'. not only that, but the sheer quality was shocking. amsterdam has ruined me for shitty weed just like hong kong ruins me for any kind of food in this country. i've discovered that i am capable of riding a back-pedal bike, although not entirely safely. i now know that i have my three cities i'd like most to live in. hong kong, new york city and amsterdam. it didn't really matter that there was no A/C, or that a whole floor had one shower, or that the paint was peeling, or anything. it only mattered that i felt like i could stay for the longest time and never want to leave. i'm becoming less and less attached to london. i'm going to leave it soon, and it'll be in my memories, but i think that i will always associate england, and london, and harrow, with sadness. and i don't want to stay.