i don't know what this is.

anuka baratashvilli. amazing.


i'm so tired. maybe it's just weakness. maybe i'm just tired. maybe i can't do this anymore. i feel like i'm going to crash and burn and i'm absolutely terrified. i can't wait until everything is over. then i can drink and drink and drink until i can't see anymore. until i can't feel and i can't think and i can just lie there in my own desolation and shame. fuck. regardless, i'm working really hard right now. i'm going through all of my history notes and doing spider diagrams for all the questions we did today in the revision session. i'm trying. suddenly i have motivation and also a huge input of shame and disgust. so i suppose i'm going to block out my feelings for the next week or two. fuck fuck fuck.